Inaugural Trip in the Camper

Arrive at "resort" campground. Am fooled by lush acres of waving grass, grazing horses, ripe perennials and heavy maples. Waved through gate and directed back through commune of blue tarp covered, palate decked campers to sliver of crooked land on side of mountain. Surrounded by women with snow plow asses stuck to golf carts hurtling themselves and six toddlers a piece back and forth from nylon camping chair to community toilet. Realize that all the "cool kids" have unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts over contrasting swim trunks with thirty pounds of gut between the two. Hear someone yell "Hey look at that old camper" and realize they are speaking about us. Burst hose for water hookup. Monitor children's honing of the whine and art of the complaint. Try to decipher the fifty different seventies rock songs blaring at once. Neighbor with sun-purpled rawhide skin accosts us en route to pool, tearfully reminiscing about his grandfathers old camper that was just like ours. Pass other scary neighbors who demand we stop and play Texas Holdem. We refuse and move on to community board where we decide whether or not to sign up for Thanksgiving potluck, Christmas in July, New Years in July, Texas Holdem championship or Adult after hours pool party. Arrive at "no", continue on to pool, have much fun. Return to campsite, tearful rawhide neighbor brings wife back to tour the inside of camper. Oscar eats jar of black pepper while man recalls every last detail of camper. Take Oscar to community toilet to rinse mouth out, leave rawhide and wife with Delta. Experience botulism scare while eating baked beans and trying to find date on can. Beans taste botulish. Sit around fire, eat marshmallows and scare living shit out of children for sake of tradition. Ward off ominous night call of "Texas Holdem? Anyone know how to play Texas Holdem?" from our neighbor. Realize that sleep is great campsite equalizer. Feel "in" with the "in" crowd while standing in line for community toilet. Wave goodmorning to rawhide and Texas Holdem. Spend day at pool thinking about coming back for New Years in August. Decide camping is good. Will do again.