So, what is a passport, exactly? A few pieces of paper stapled inside a cardboard cover with some info and a picture. Right? I wonder what inside this little book costs a hundred bucks to make. Is there a diamond core inside the cover? Is the ink actually liquefied platinum?

But, in a display of unprecedented brilliance, I aerated, seeded and fertilized the yard yesterday. If you live in the area, you'll note that the weather this week is optimal grass planting weather. I don't have to water a damn thing. We're gonna be golfing in the back yard in a month the grass is going to be so abundant and lush. And all I had to do was bribe mother nature with a US passport.

Another thing, my dog is actually stupid unless there is a piece of cheese in my hand. She's like a remote control car or something and the remote is cheese. And the batteries are cheese. And I'm not really sure where I'm going with this simile.

Someone recommended that I mention the things that are good during the day. SO, here it goes. I was really born. I have evidence of this in the form of a birth certificate that I had to purchase at the Natick town hall today in order to complete my passport transaction. I mean, you always figure you were born because, like, you're here and all, but to have hard proof, well, it's just a little gratifying. And I bought some really expensive lavender tea today. After I drank half a cup I started to wonder if lavender is truly edible. That thought sent me into a mild panic attack during which my esophagus swelled shut. But I'm okay now, and that's the good part. Oh, and lavender IS edible. See? good news and science all in one blog. What more could you ask for?