What I Need For This Blog

Is a gimmick. A theme. Some kind of something I can always write about. Something not self depricating. That's why I'm not going to write about Thursday. If I wrote about Thursday, I'd have to tell you that, in one day, I wore 2 different shoes, referenced nipples in the children's department of Barnes & Noble - LOUDLY - and was informed by the bagger at Stop-N-Shop that I look like I'm expecting. None of those things are particularly flattering and I'm trying to be a positive thinker now.

Bambi's Rebuttal

Salutations. It's been brought to my attention that my dear cousin Daisy has her own blog at PTCakes house. That's nice an all, but since we look so much alike I wanted to be sure y'all knew that she has way more chins than me. I only have one. I'm not saying one chin is better than, oh, the three I counted on Daisy. And I don't have nothin against jowls and big long black hairs either. All I'm sayin is, my groomer's got spaces available. Don't my nails look good? I done got a full set, wash, cut and blowdry today. Damn I look good. Shoot.

First Day of Classes

Today Bambi and I started obedience classes. She's a slutty little trouble maker, that one. From the the very first moment she whined and flirted and called all the other dogs to her. I guess I should just be happy she didn't try to eat anyone. That's a step in the right direction. The woman who teaches the class is, ironically, German. She does nicht approve of zee vay mein hunt behaves. I vill train mein hunt und I vill like it. Yavol!

My cast is off HOORAY!!!!! But not off all the way. It's quasi off. I'm supposed to put it back on when my foot hurts which, according to my doctor, will happen most of the time for the next two weeks. But whatever. I'm FREE!!! No more leaning through the bathroom door when my kids are in there and screaming "Here's MOMMY!" My doctor DID say not to run the marathon this year. You got lucky Kenya - you hear me??!! So, tomorrow I am quitting sugar, dairy and meat until I lose 15 pounds. Except, of course, the sugar that naturally occurs in the foods I eat like chocolate. And except the dairy in the cream that goes into my coffee.

Sunday

Today we went over to Tiara's and Ghosthunter's for dinner. First, all of us (except Tiara who is, unfortunately, not bi-lingual) spoke in pig latin. The kids, for an added challenge, spoke pig latin with pig (ham) in their mouths. Then we all laughed and laughed and laughed till our ribs cracked at things that wouldn't have been funny if we were with anyone else. I'll tell you, a real treasure is friends who laugh at the same things you do. Particularly if you have a "unique" sense of humor, like me. Delta was in such a fine fettle tonight, every time I think of the things he said I chuckle. Unfortunately I can't share them with you because, as I mentioned above, you wouldn't find them funny. I love Regina Spektor even more today than I did yesterday. And this morning, I figured out how to end my short story. Sigh. Now I can stop nodding and lying and really end the story. Yay.

If It's Weird, It'll Happen to Me

And that's a fact.
I used to think that The Shining was a work of fiction. Then I fell down the stairs and broke my right foot and spent five long weeks trapped in the house with three little people who lost no oppurtunity to demonstrate my flawed parenting skills. But that's ok. Parenting is mostly hindsight anyway.
Here is a brief summary of the things that have happened since I last hobbled down here to the computer....1. Quit smoking (yay me!!!) 2. Became allergic to Splenda 3. Was test pin-cusion for guy studying to be Paramedic who laced my hand vein up like it was a shiny blue corset 4. Fell madly in love with Regina Spektor.
Monday I go to the doctor and find out if I can take my cast off. I think I had a better chance before the leaping incident of last week. But, you know, sometimes things just chase you down the hall in the middle of the night. Then you have to leap. It's survival.
And then, on Monday when they TAKE THE CAST OFF (because they will, leaping or no leaping) I will begin, in earnest, a health kick that will result in me shedding fifteen pounds by the end of June. Because, believe it or not, that's all that's left till my goal weight. I can't believe it either. Maybe I'm lying. But I DID quit smoking.

Today would have been my dad's 67th birthday. It's also the 3rd anniversary of the day my grandfather died. I dreamed about rats and school showers and I ate an annisette cookie for breakfast. This afternoon I'm getting a new tattoo - one with the mysterious numbers 84 involved. Tommorow I might get to remove my cast - or "have a little incision". Either way, tommorow is the end of my holding pattern. I'm so freaking happy spring is almost here. I like March. I like waiting and vacillating between winter and spring. It's like spring foreplay.